STUPID MARIO BROTHERS – EPISODE ONE TRANSCRIPTEdit
[Voice Over, accompanied by the title screen music from Super Mario 64]
Mario: It's time-a to get-a the mail, Luigi!
Luigi: I hope we don't get-a the same old crap we get everyday.
Mario:Yeah, that would-a suck!
[Mario and Luigi walk up to their mailbox. Mario pulls out a letter and opens it.]
Mario: Oh piece-a the crap! Another stupid letter from Bowser! What does he want this time?
Mario and Luigi: Hmm...
[Gibberish Voice Over (“Bra Bra Bra!”) with subtitles. Dreary music plays. Mario grows increasingly irritated as Bowser's speech goes on.]
[Mario finishes reading the message. Dreary music fades out.]
Mario: Can you believe that son of a bitch?!
Luigi: Mario, what is it?
Mario: Peach has gotten herself kidnapped and her castle has been taken over again, for the umpteenth freaking time!
[Mario's speech becomes more distressed]
Mario: Every time I take time off, she and her freaking toads can't handle themselves! After all, I am just a plumber! [Yanks Luigi by the overalls] And I'm really tired of saving her lazy ass all the time!
[Luigi becomes concerned]
Luigi: Mario, what should we do?
[Mario is no longer stressful and lets go of Luigi's overalls]
Mario: Let's go look for some super mushrooms!
Luigi: Okie dokie!
[Cut to a wide shot of a hill. Mario and Luigi run upwards. The footage is noticeably sped up. Upbeat music plays]
[Mario and Luigi arrive at a tree, still looking for mushrooms]
Luigi: Mario, I think I saw some big ones over here.
Stranger: Well, well, well, If it isn't the stupid Mario losers! Weh!
[Camera zooms in on Mario and Luigi]
Mario: Well, if it isn't the son of a bitch Wario !
Luigi: What has-a Bowser got you up to-a this time?!
[Wario is revealed. Mario flips Wario off.]
Wario : I have been sent to take you back to the Mushroom Kingdom! Weh heh heh!
Mario: No way! I am so sick of saving that stupid-a Princess-a Peach! You can go tell that dickhead Bowser that we ain't comin'!
Luigi: Yeah! What-a Mario said! Hmph!
[Wario grows impatient]
Wario: You know dickheads, it's getting kind of cold out here. How 'bout we go inside and talk it over?
[Cut to inside a cluttered house. Wario sits in a rotatable chair.]
Wario: You two have been in the real world for long enough! Your vacation is over! You're coming back to the Mushroom Kingdom with me right now!
Mario: You know Wario, every time I try to take a vacation, some jerk with a vendetta against me for no reason wants to screw it up!
[Mario grows increasingly infuriated]
Mario: Now, I may never get a chance to try out my new go-kart-soccer-ball-basketball-doctor-kit and my giant over-sized game board where I was going to invite lots of friends, have a big party, but nooo, make the plumber do all the work! You know Wario, there's a pretty good hero of time only twelve blocks from the Mushroom Kingdom in the country of Hyrule! He's not doing anything, why not get him to do it for a change?!
[Luigi becomes concerned again. Music starts up]
Luigi: But Mario, he has problems of his own!
Mario: Whatever! The point is we are staying here!
Wario: He said you might say that! And if that was the case, I'd have to fight you!
Mario: Well good-a luck, because we just beat Sonic at the Olympic-a Games!
Luigi: Yeah, what Mario said, again!
Wario: Weh heh heh heh heh! Sonic is-a past his prime, and is slower than a mangled Goomba! Your beating him means nothing!
Mario: Wario! You son of a Goomba! You'll never take us alive! Oh, and I have only one thing to say to you!
Mario: What's that over there!?
[Mario and Luigi run off screaming. Fast paced comedic music starts. Wario is infuriated.]
Wario: You may have run away this time, Mario Stooges! But I'll be back! Weeeeeeenenyenye! Nyeh!
[Cut to Mario and Luigi's house. Music still plays]
Mario: Well Luigi, that was a close-a one!
Luigi: What are we going to do-a now, Mario?
Mario: Wanna race go-karts?
Luigi: Okie day!
[Mario and Luigi storm out the front door]
Mario and Luigi: Wahoo!
[Footage of an enraged Wario is played again]
Wario: Weeeeeeenenyenye! Nyeh!
[Cut to a black screen with the URL of the Richalvarez channel. Super Mario Bros. death sound effect plays]