STUPID MARIO BROTHERS – EPISODE SIX TRANSCRIPTEdit
[Voice Over, accompanied by the title screen music from Super Mario 64]
Mario: Episode 6! [As Mario says "six", the word "SIX" appears beneath the title card, "S" highlighted in red, "I" in grey, and "X" in white.]
[Bowser's "theme" starts up, his unintelligible language accompanied by subtitles]
Bowser: So........................... They didn't get you guys... You know I didn't want them to hurt your (sic) right?... You guys coming back soon?... ..............miss you............ [Mario and Luigi are rather stumped by the letter, particularly the last line]
Mario: Pathetic! What a loser! [Mario stuffs the letter back in the mailbox]
Luigi: What do you want to do now Mario?
Mario: Want to grow our mustaches back?
Luigi: Okay! [Both face the camera and hold their thumbs up in approval]
[On a black screen, a title reads "3 Months Later"]
Narrator: Three months later!
[Still standing at the mailbox, Mario and Luigi now have fully grown mustaches]
Luigi: What do you want to do NOW, Mario?
Mario: Want to go ride a go-kart?
Luigi: Okie dokie!
[Mario and Luigi ride a go-kart up the hill. Atop the hill, Mario and Luigi have stopped their kart]
Luigi: Mario, these mustaches are getting really itchy!
Mario: Want to shave again?
Luigi: Okay! [Mario and Luigi simply tear off their mustaches]
[Mario and Luigi continue towards their house, accompanied by "Happy Together" by The Turtles]
♫Imagine me and you, I do I think about you day and night, it's only right
To think about the girl you love and hold her tight
So happy together♫
[Mario and Luigi stop the kart to laugh together]
♫If I should call you up, invest a dime
And you say you belong to me and ease my mind
Imagine how the world could be, so very fine
[The two drive off again]
So happy together♫
♫I can't see me lovin' nobody but you
For all my life
When you're with me, baby the skies'll be blue
For all my life
You an me-♫
[Suddenly, on the battlefield, Mario and Luigi shriek horribly and stop their kart just before a small, round object hits the dirt in front of them. Bewildered, Mario picks up and surveys the object.]
Mario: What kind of a moron throws a ball at someone?
Luigi: I don't know Mario, but I think I see someone over there.
Luigi: Over there, see? He's hiding. [Luigi points in the person's direction]
Stranger: Gotta catch 'em all. [He surveys his surroundings and then jumps out from behind a tree, to a cover of the original Pokémon TV show theme, which he then proceeds to dance to]
♫I wanna be the very best
Like no one ever was
To catch them is my real test
To train them is my cause
I will travel across the land
Searching far and wide
Teach Pokémon to understand
[Mario and Luigi walk up to the stranger]
Mario: Excuse-a me, but who are you?
Stranger: My name is Ash Ketchum!
Ash: I come from Kanto City, I was trying to catch you.
Mario: Catch me, why?
Ash: Because, I gotta catch 'em all.
Luigi: Catch WHAT all?
Ash: All the Pokémon.
Mario: What are Pokémon?!
Ash: What I have to catch all of.
Luigi: Why did you throw this ball at us?
Ash: I mistook you for a Charizard, level 37, post-transformation Charmeleon.
Mario: And that's a Pokémon?
Ash: It is one of kabillions that I must catch, for I must, catch them all.
Mario: And why do you have to catch 'em all?!
Ash: Because, ...I gotta. [The camera dramatically zooms in on Ash's face during the last part of his sentence]
Mario: Ash Ketchum, Ash Ketchum... I remember where I heard your name! That's right, Donkey Kong mentioned you! He said you tried to shove him into one of those balls!
Luigi: Oh, so he's THAT Ash Ketchum.
Mario: Do me a favor, kid: Stay the crap away from us!
Luigi: Yeah, and take your stupid ball with you!
[Luigi throws the Pokéball at Ash, hitting him with in the head. Ash begrudgingly picks up the ball and walks away, his back turned.]
Mario: Nobody likes you, Ash!!!
Ash: Oh... [Ash clumsily drops the Pokéball and picks it up again while running off]
Luigi: Well thank goodness we got rid of that weirdo!
Mario: I know! Who wears short sleeves in winter?
[Meanwhile, at Wario's House]
Waluigi: What do you want to do now, Wario?
Wario: Wanna watch The Golden Compass?
Waluigi: No, that movie sucks! Let's watch Lord of the Rings!
[Outraged, Wario tugs at Waluigi's overalls while yelling at him]
Wario: I hate Lord of the Rings, and I hate Peter Jackson, and I hate you!
[Wario's temper settles down as he quietly regrets lashing out at Waluigi]
Wario: Weh... Wanna go bug the Mario Brothers?
[The crew repeatedly attempts to hit Ash's head with the Pokéball, failing several times]
Dane Cook: Shit, I can't stop laughing.
[After one failed take, the crew begins laughing. Doug Orofino is briefly seen holding the script. Another take fails.]
Chris Muller: Ah crap!
Matt Provencal: That was horrible!
[Several more takes fail. Dane chuckles again]
Richard Alvarez: Oh, the hand was there. Sorry, I saw-
[Another take fails. Dane continues to crack up]
Dane Cook: Fuck!
[Chris misses another throw]
Chris Muller: Damn-